The Last Breath

A sharpened sparkling sword raised its angle. Someone was going to be its victim. That was when everything seemed terrible to me. The mysterious places around was scattered with flesh and the bloodshed.  It was in that midst of a jungle, I saw myself lined up for the death. That was beyond the boundary of imagination whereby nobody would think about it. Through the half moonlit night, I was wondering in the fiery jungle of evils when a bold hairy hand dragged me to the spot. My heartbeat got locked within myself when the ghostly figure lifted a mystifying and a deadly axe over my neck. I was fired with fear and yelled like a storm. But it was unexplainable when I found myself tired and restless in the middle of the night. I was seated on the bed. “Thank God! It was just a dream” I sighed.

That was the shattering dream that woke me that night. I rubbed my eyes and felt calmed as realization pricked my sense and confirmed it to be just an illusion. But I was still wondering about the reality of the dream. I felt the panic when the sweat began showering over my forehead. The instant response of the dream made me breathless at once but later I found that the dream was just a fairy tale. And I looked at the watch and the striking minute hand rested on 12. It was exactly 2:00am in the morning. I felt it was too early to be awake but it was that entire dream which made it happen. I was sure my night would be sleepless by then.

The sun crept upon the earth breaking the dawn. The earth was awake now. The fiery image had not vanished. It flashed like a slash of lightning in my mind. I found that it has stood as a paying guest in my mind. For that, I was just consoling myself about the dream, though erasing the cause of the dream wasn’t easy at all. It was like swallowing grabbles down through the throat as I was challenged to forget the happenings in the dream. It was devastating to see the heads chopped off. A minute later, I remembered my grandma with a fragile smile on her face saying, “If you happen to dream something unusual then make a mind to share with your friends. It will help you keep free from tense.” That was the last measure that I could rely on. And I did share with my friend Norbu. I fired the story of my dream like a bullet with haste to free my mind early. That gave me confidence in believing that superstition isn’t real and his support gave me power to forget the things in the dream. Thereby I was fully relieved when something rang through the silence. What was that? I attempted to think at once but it wasn’t a big deal, it was my mobile beeping. Things began to seem strange from that point. One, I had never had such a dream before, and the other a call in the early morning which never happened to me. On top of it, it was my sister again who haven’t called me for a long time and she did call me at that strange hour. It was like a fuel on the fire that reacted to my thoughts of consciousness. Then I pressed the green button on my phone and answered, “Hello!” The response from the other side was in a hurry. Her words ran like a machine and I could just catch her saying “Come to Thimphu immediately.” Then she hung up the call. “What’s happening?” I asked myself. It warned me of something emergent. An alarm of fear rang through my nerves. I couldn’t keep myself back home; therefore I caught a taxi immediately and rushed to Thimphu. My mind was racing with the speed of the cab. My mind ran for many times to the destiny but the cab was just traveling on its normal pace. That was maddening me. Frustration burned my lips and I remember shouting, “Please be fast!” to the cab driver which now I realize it as cruel way to inform. Finally, I was able to feel the difference in the air- the air of my destiny and when I looked into my watch, it was just an hour that the cab had taken to drive home but unusual feelings kept torturing me. Those tortures darkened my hopes for the day. I felt I had taken the longest journey from Paro to Thimphu.

I took my first step from the cab. A sense of uneasiness got into my mind when I took the first step out of it. “What’s happening to me?” I whispered to myself but there wasn’t any response. I had to look for it on my own. The surrounding wasn’t welcoming that day. It was lone and silent outside. The sleeping dogs and the parked cars were giving light to the quietness which made things dark around. This quietness emptied my warmth inside me for I never saw the situation that way before. The gentle breeze seemed like a gasping messenger warning me about something different. I could see the branches talking in agony. The parking lot was all alone with a few parked cars. That unusual scenery to my eye warned me to be prepared. I dragged my legs with lots of restlessness towards the entrance and opened the door gently. To my surprise, emptiness stole all my hopes. By then something new started to get onto my nerves. My mind began to ask me about my Mom. The response I made was “Yes! She is fine. I just met her on call yesterday evening.” That relieved me and I was happy to be home. But the repeated question prompted the suspense - what was happening here?

Suspense raised my fear. I felt the harshness in the air conquering my way. It was through the dark hallway, I expected everything to be firm. And I stepped up the memory-filled stairs as it was the final way to confirm about happenings in the house.  It worried me a lot as the room that I was going to open happened to be my mother’s room. My hand refused to unlock the latch of the door; it was the fear that hampered my fingers. Difficulty kept dragging my sense into fear but finally, I took a long breath and with lots of uneasiness, I opened the door gently. There everything seemed to be confirmed at the very first sight. My heart started to sink. On the table drawn beside her head, she had put within her reach were few prayer books and medicines. Nothing of it was to get her touch again. It was her last touch on the things around. I went to her side and felt her last touch as a son. This was the hardest and coldest touch that I ever received from my mom. I took her hand gently and kissed her hand for the last time. Keeping my sadness in my heart wasn’t probable as the only way was shed tears for her. Tears began to blind my eyes and I couldn’t capture the last glimpse of her smile as she was no more going to smile at me. The invisible evil had already rested on her bed to take away her crimson joy. There was she, my mom, in the darkness with a prince of darkness blazing in her bed. Her loving arm was no more sheltering me instead challenge was reacting on her breath. And I felt she was imprisoned in the cage of death. I could see her wearing fear and grief. But nothing was possible to change her suffering. It was her distinct troubling breath that made us believe that she was alive. Her power in the breath seemed moving away. When the breath got powerless, detaching of breath from the soul was the toughest thing I saw in my mom at that juncture. Her pathetic condition gave me thoughts of all kinds. Numerous emotion and feelings rushed through my nerves but I was very late to express to my dear mom. I remembered those days when she raised me with her splendor love and care which made me think that my mom has been numerous times better; but once, in my present life, she has been so special to me. I could remember those days when her friendly fingers would twist my cheeks and say, “My lovely son!” Those were a few graceful hours filled with essence of love but it was unwise for me to wait for from now on.

Everyone was seated around. My younger brother shedding his tear was very painful. I did have my mom when I was at his age but for him, my mom couldn’t give him time like she did for us. The room was drooped into sorrow. With their eyes turned red, everyone was praying for her death. I felt it was cruel to wish for death than recovery but I couldn’t beg God to bring my mom back to life, instead her son, asked for her death-the quickest. I wished my passion, my prayers and my power to take her gently through the gate of death. That was the cruelest part I did to my Mom. I found there was no way to elevate happiness in the room as I found everyone was submerged in the fear of losing her-my mom.

God answered my call then. It was 10:30pm on the clock when the room became silent. My hair got frozen on my head and numbness seized me. By the time I realized I was lost, I found my mom gone. The death had already taken her breath. She left us with the holly glimmers of good bye. It was that present which left me wounded in my heart. Tear flooded through my cheeks and it was my first time to see my relatives sobbing wet. That was meant to be her final destiny. She was gone; it was just her time with me and us as a memory that would exist with us. She was then gone forever never to be seen again. A silent mourning for her death began for a minute and it was my last minute to see her glowing motherly face. By the time we entered back, she was wrapped with a yellow colored cloth. And I felt she was no more alive now. This was how I lost my mom and I feel alone.

This incident dates back to 17^th of September, 2012. Till now, I have lost no one close to my heart but when I lost, it was my mom. It was like she came by dawn, stole my heart and left me by dusk. Her love for me was immeasurable and unfathomable. But I believe that it was my fate destined till I was twenty; I would depart from my mom. But I do keep a promise that her name shall not be erased from my heart, her voice shall always be guiding me and her image shall always be dreamt of. That’s how a bond in hearts shall always march their journey throughout.